My ex-mother in law and ex-sister in law who once sang my praises, now use my pain to make it about themselves. I realize that they always did it. Not necessarily about me, but about someone, somewhere.
"I don't like to gossip, BUT..."
I know now that I was continually sucked into their traps too. The whole damned family does it. Honestly. You find out who truly cares about you when you go through a divorce.
Is all this negativity bad karma? I try not to live my life negatively. I'm very aware of trying to be forgiving and living my life with love, and I think I'm successful at it now...aside from the bitterness. It's a work in progress. You won't hear about that here very often for now, but I'm trying my damnedest to to it.
One of the reasons I unfriended my ex-inlaws on Facebook in one fell swoop (and let me tell you THAT gave them something to bitch and moan about) was because the last time I received a communication from my ex-mother in law she told me she was disappointed that I was "glorifying divorce". I really want to live my life with love, and I made an attempt to keep my ex-inlaws as friends. I didn't want my children to suffer from the discomfort of everyone being uncomfortable or unkind, and I really, really loved them. And I wanted to continue seeing my nephews as they grow up. They were in my life for a very long time and I didn't want to lose them too. My mother had my dad over for holidays for years after they got divorced and I never really saw how strong and kind she was to work so hard to do that for us. It must have been horrible sometimes, and uncomfortable every time.
After I filed for divorce I went through a period of time looking for support groups on FB. I just wanted to read a little supportive blurb here and there. Something I could read quickly and move on to something to distract me from my often overwhelming anxiety. Though I made my interest group private, I forgot that folks could see the LIKES. Thus, her glorifying divorce comment.
My wonderful coworker and friend gave me a quote that has helped me immensely. "Listen to what they say and it will tell you who they are." I've found this to be true. My office mate suggested I respond to every negative comment with, "Thank you for your support."
So. To all my ex-inlaws (and there are a hell of a lot of them running around out there) who used to say they'd love and support me no matter what, who have now decided that I am the devil, and that my trip to Burning Man 2012 caused me to divorce Ex, I say, "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT."
They know nothing, NOTHING, (to my knowledge) about Ex abusing me because I never told them. Either that or they don't believe it.
For the record, I don't really blame them for siding with him. It's only natural to form opinions based on one side of the story, and he was in their lives long before I. But it still hurts.
I'm slowly, but surely, turning off their voices in my head so I can get to a place where I don't care what they think of me, and maybe forgiveness eventually.
"What people think of you is none of your business."
"I don't like to gossip, BUT..."
I know now that I was continually sucked into their traps too. The whole damned family does it. Honestly. You find out who truly cares about you when you go through a divorce.
Is all this negativity bad karma? I try not to live my life negatively. I'm very aware of trying to be forgiving and living my life with love, and I think I'm successful at it now...aside from the bitterness. It's a work in progress. You won't hear about that here very often for now, but I'm trying my damnedest to to it.
One of the reasons I unfriended my ex-inlaws on Facebook in one fell swoop (and let me tell you THAT gave them something to bitch and moan about) was because the last time I received a communication from my ex-mother in law she told me she was disappointed that I was "glorifying divorce". I really want to live my life with love, and I made an attempt to keep my ex-inlaws as friends. I didn't want my children to suffer from the discomfort of everyone being uncomfortable or unkind, and I really, really loved them. And I wanted to continue seeing my nephews as they grow up. They were in my life for a very long time and I didn't want to lose them too. My mother had my dad over for holidays for years after they got divorced and I never really saw how strong and kind she was to work so hard to do that for us. It must have been horrible sometimes, and uncomfortable every time.
After I filed for divorce I went through a period of time looking for support groups on FB. I just wanted to read a little supportive blurb here and there. Something I could read quickly and move on to something to distract me from my often overwhelming anxiety. Though I made my interest group private, I forgot that folks could see the LIKES. Thus, her glorifying divorce comment.
My wonderful coworker and friend gave me a quote that has helped me immensely. "Listen to what they say and it will tell you who they are." I've found this to be true. My office mate suggested I respond to every negative comment with, "Thank you for your support."
So. To all my ex-inlaws (and there are a hell of a lot of them running around out there) who used to say they'd love and support me no matter what, who have now decided that I am the devil, and that my trip to Burning Man 2012 caused me to divorce Ex, I say, "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT."
They know nothing, NOTHING, (to my knowledge) about Ex abusing me because I never told them. Either that or they don't believe it.
For the record, I don't really blame them for siding with him. It's only natural to form opinions based on one side of the story, and he was in their lives long before I. But it still hurts.
I'm slowly, but surely, turning off their voices in my head so I can get to a place where I don't care what they think of me, and maybe forgiveness eventually.
"What people think of you is none of your business."
I admire your strength and courage Better! I have survived what would have killed many and when it comes to "so-called" family I donot deal with them period! Just went through a rough situation. and saw certain people for what they really are. FAKE and really do not want to see you prosper.
ReplyDeleteA snake will always strike and bite you, but before the snake can bite and harm you, it has to get into a coil, or certain type of position. Learn who and what position people are in, and when they prove to be a threat...walk away, and do not look back!
Stay strong and "ex" those fake, deceitful out of your life.
ReplyDelete