Hopefully there is someone there to catch me, or at least be able to vent then pick myself up and put me back together.
Last night, it was daughter who helped put me back together...all beautiful, comforting, understanding, so-much-like-me, 12 year old loveliness.
I have so much guilt about having she and Son see me fall apart. I know I have to sometimes, and it's normal, and I (you) just have to sometimes, but jeebus...
I ran out of words. I'm spent and tired today.
The point is, I got tired, fed up, and just plain overwhelmed with how much work Son is and fell apart. Today my eyes are swollen, I'm dehydrated, and my psyche is tired. I was curled up in a blithering ball of sob with Daughter wrapped around my back, soothing me.
I didn't know that much fluid could come out of my head at once.
That's a lot of work for a girl who's just trying to navigate her preteen years...but I do appreciate her so very much. I'd have to say she's my best girlfriend.
This morning I apologized and thanked her, telling her that I feel like I should keep up a strong face for her, but that I just can't all the time.
Crud. Now I know my eyes are showing my night last night because the second coworker came in and asked me if I was alright. (Yes, I often post at work. I'm taking a break. :)
Anyway, teenagers are a lot of work even when they don't have special needs. I know I have to let him fall so he'll learn to take care of himself. I need to step back and let him.
Love and light.
No comments:
Post a Comment