(except I'll be with the dogs)
I am formulating my thoughts about how I finally sat down and talked (listened to) Partner's Ex.
She needed for me to hear her and I did, with empathy and minimal suppressed sighs. She said a lot of negative things about Partner, which I expected, and told me she didn't mean to talk about him. She said she needed to tell me about the negativity in order to help me understand where she was coming from.
The thing is, I have experienced all the things she told me with my Ex. Every one.
It didn't sway my opinion of Partner in any way. I adore him and love him and have never experienced negativity with him. In three years. Pretty good, I think. I've been frustrated with him, sure. Normal stuff.
She was sad and kind, and told me it all had nothing to do with me; that she just needed space for a while. That I was always welcome in her home. She loved the way I am with her kids and that they love me. She was happy for us, but sometimes it's hard to watch.
I have empathy for her position, and she brought me to tears at one point when she alluded to the negative things some of her friends said about me. One of my triggers. I pulled myself together and tried to really focus on what she was saying.
The thing is, I love her children. I hope to be in their lives for the rest of mine. I have learned through experience that you don't poke the monster with a stick, even if the monster is making you feel defensive and scared. You listen and get the hell out of dodge.
Mission accomplished until the next time something comes up.
A very good friend mentioned that it sounds like I've been *she brushed her hands together as she told me* tying up a lot of loose ends and she made me realize that yes, I have. It feels nice, even though I now owe the IRS $2,500 because Ex fucked up his W-2. But that's the next post...
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