I Edited My Caveat And Thank You

  (I realize I already used this picture, but I wanted it here too.)

It was time to make some edits to my Caveat and Thank You at the bottom of this blog page. As I learn and grow, I've found that some of what I had written in the posts makes me wince. Some of it due to the amazement at how far I've come, and some due to the venom and anger that fueled my fear and anxiety. 

A coworker told me this week that she has seen how far I have come, and congratulated me. I was surprised because I don't always remember exactly how it felt back when I was trying to decide whether or not to get divorced. Every so often I go back and read some of my posts to remember and appreciate my growth and healing.

I think it's important to keep everything in perspective, particularly to be aware of how much better I feel, and how much happier I am.

The mention of my diagnosis in the Thank You seemed important to write, as it was brought to mind this morning when I was talking with a loved one about her pain, and my trying to support her without knowing exactly what's going on. 

She is loyal and strong, and I have always admired and strove to emulate her.

This week, if nothing else, please let the people you love know how much you care about them. It's vital, and might help them along their own path. I was trying to express this to her.

For my sister-in-law, I say:

"To all of the wonderful people throughout the years who have been kind and patient with me as I have navigated my self toward this independence. To the rediscovery of me. Please know that I was/am navigating an emotional minefield of divorce and abuse in the best way I knew how including anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance, and it was not my intention to hurt anyone. I burned some bridges and lost some important relationships along the way. My diagnoses have had their way with me, but in no way define me any longer."

And also, I love you. I support you. And I am here for you, always. Not just because of the family relationship we've had, but because your heart is as big as the kindness you have always shown me.

Thank you.