"On Labeling Women Crazy"

Someday, hopefully, I can be the cat.

A friend of mine posted this article, and it hit a nerve because I read it some time ago when I was going through a similar situation with Ex. I wrote about it here. The difference, I explained to my friend, was that, "he said he loved me, and he was occasionally but rarely there. After ten years I was done. It became my fault in the eyes of everyone, except the few I shared with, after all. It's a powerful article.", "Also, I should add, there was more going on and he never said he was leaving. He expected our lives to just continue that way indefinitely."

Sharing with her triggered me into coming here and reading some of my past posts. I mentioned to her that, "This article pretty much sums up why I'm divorced.", and sent her a link to this blog, which terrifies me. It always does when I "come out" to someone who knew me back then because this blog is the essence of my anger and pain when I was getting divorced. It doesn't matter how strongly I felt when I was writing in anger or tears, it's still terrifying to tell someone about it. It's raw, and it's there, and it's real. More ME than anything I ever said out loud, although now it's a past me, and I'm moving on in a healthy way.

I loved her, and I still do, though I haven't seen her in a very long time, and I worry how she will react to reading all this. As I've said before, the only thing I can control is how I feel and how I react.

 
This blog is creeping out into the world more and more as I reveal it to people I knew then, and Ex and I are tentatively moving toward friendship as time passes so I'd like him to never see this - though having it here, there is always a chance that he will. 

If he does, he does. 

I am able to see glimpses of the man I liked and cared for, and it makes it easier to make peace, forgive, and move on.